NO! Say it and mean it

Posted on 18. Apr, 2016 by gilly in Coach's Wisdom

How often do you find yourself nodding cheerfully and agreeing to do something which, only minutes later, will have you gently banging your skull against the driver’s headrest, muttering no, no, no…why? WHY did I say yes to that? Bake 5 cakes for the school fun fair? Sit on a fundraiser dinner committee? Take those colleagues from the US office out for dinner (when drinks would have probably sufficed, but that’s another story)?

One of my most energetic, can-do clients elected to spend our entire coaching session today on how challenged she is to say no. To all sorts of stuff. We examined the toll this exacted on her time, her energy, her wits, her relationships, her life. Sobering stuff. She now sees how saying yes when she really means no (as in: the heart and gut are yelling NO) has the potential to keep her from focusing on what’s most important to her. Not to mention exhaust her body and mind.

It’s a biological truth: saying yes to absolutely everything will send your stress levels soaring. So learn to differentiate between what you really want to say yes to, and what you’re saying yes to when what you really mean….is no.

Fact: To truly say yes to the things we want, we need to say no to others. This includes people. In your personal or professional life, be aware of your needs and your limits and refuse–serenely and politely–to take on extra responsibilities even though you know you could do then. Taking on more than you can handle will, guaranteed, create internal resentment for having said yes when you meant no. Not only will you kick yourself all the way home, you will also be broadcasting put-upon-vibes, giving people around you (colleagues, friends, family) the feeling the world owes you. Unattractive, unhelpful, utterly unnecessary.

Have you been there? Does any of this sound like you? Sometimes all it takes are a few questions from a coach who will support you in being true to yourself, and saying YES only when you mean it.

Tags: assertiveness, authentcity, coaching, leadership, work-life balance